This morning at work we experienced a brief power failure. This is a blustery day. As I arrived at the office about 6:45 AM the wind was fresh and from the east. By 9:00 AM it was from the south, and the front was almost upon us. Radar showed a line of storms heading our way from the west, likely to last most of the day.
Shortly after I checked the radar on the Internet, our power went out. Only for a second; then it came on for a couple of seconds; then it went off for five seconds; then on again and has stayed on. Just those few seconds, but long enough to cause every computer to have to be re-booted manually, long enough to lose any unsaved data, long enough to cause everyone to get up and walk around in frustration. Whether the power failure was due to the front being upon us, or something else, I'm not sure. We have a large road construction project going on about two miles from the office, but if they did something, we would not have come on so quickly.
I'm experiencing a power failure of sorts myself. Since all the work this weekend, which I described in yesterday's post, which followed close on the work of the previous week and weekend, recovering from the ice storm, I don't seem to have much energy. My weight is down, the lowest it's been since June 2003. Saturday I tried on some slacks that were hanging in my closet but not worn for years, and I fit in all of them. I should have more energy than I do, given that I'm at a better weight, almost 50 pounds below my peak weight of a couple of years ago. So what's wrong?
I have heard it said that toxins are stored in the body's fat, and so losing weight by losing fat will release those toxins. I did some Internet research on this, and while many people make this claim, I couldn't find any expert web site that I felt gave a definitive statement saying this was so. Could the mere act of losing weight at a good clip result in tiredness and sluggishness, regardless of whether toxins are released or not? I'm also fighting an injured right shoulder. I say injured, but I suppose it could be just a severe outbreak of rheumatoid arthritis. It doesn't feel like my rheumatoid usually does, however. It feels like an injury. The pain is almost constant, even when at rest. I've learned to avoid using my right arm when I have to move it at the shoulder, and it seems marginally better since I've gone to this routine. My regular doctor appointment is in a couple of weeks, so I'm hoping I can get by till then and see what he thinks.
Maybe this personal power failure is partially due to economic conditions. Maybe it is partly due to the growing realization of the futility of trying to publish books. Maybe it is another (or two) life circumstances I am dealing with. More likely it is a combination of all of the above.
God, help me out of these doldrums, that I might better serve You in power and boldness.
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13There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
After sitting here exhausted from my morning cry, I asked God to show me the “escape” He provides while still in the midst of my present circumstances. This verse often times frustrated me. Because it doesn’t say that He will provide me a way of escape out of the circumstances, He provides a way to escape while still bearing my circumstances. I don’t leave the isolation. I look for the “escape” within the isolation I am going through.
This verse is an oxymoron. Escaping the it while bearing the it …. For what it is worth, I so understand. I understand a couple of your mentioned struggles. Sleep eluded me last night; I now will go all day in a sleepy stupor, drifting in and out of sleep in my chair all day. I rallied just in time to overhear an interview with the author of The Shack on the Good Morning America Show. He printed out 15 books for his family and friends on a whim after writing the book at his wife’s encouragement. These fifteen books turned into 6.1 million copies.
This mental input rolled around in my mind until after my cry. Then I asked, “ was I privileged to that tid-bit of information this morning as encouragement to see that it is possible or that the reality that it can happen once again skipped me?
I have four books, all every bit as good and heartfelt. Written with hours of dedication and hopefulness. Yet, today I sit here isolated from friends and family once again waiting, listening, longing for the sound of the jailer’s key in the lock of my circumstances calling me up to the King’s court. Like Joseph, I wonder if my “cell” years are self-imposed or ordained of the Lord. I think my personal “escape” today is to look to Him the author and finisher of my faith and within this verse look at the key; He is faithful. I might not be today or even feel that anything is possible, but He does and will not allow the temptation of thinking I have somehow failed Him to overtake me.
Then I read your thoughts and I am given a place to sow the much needed encouragement for my own similar pain today. So, know that I am praying for you all day. Not just out of some obligation or responsibility as a Christian, but out of the abundance of standing on common ground. And although I feel that the writing is futile, I will open the file to what I am working on now and, write. For me Dave, that is the one sure thing that I DO know. Because even in the midst of how I feel today, I cannot let go of my dreams of writing. I am going to keep writing. Even if I am the only one who reads it.
I have found that I can no more give it up than I can give up breathing. So writing will be apart of my life until the latter is given up.
I am praying. He’ll hear.
Love, Cuz
Dave,
Make sure what you have isn't Lyme disease which sometimes shows symptoms of lethargy and tiredness. I've had it twice, but each time caught it quickly with antibiotics. If it gets embedded it's very difficult to clear out of your system.
In this distribution map, AR looks safe, but you've been traveling, right? http://www.cdc.gov/ncidod/dvbid/lyme/distribution_density.htm
-Gary
Suz:
I appreciate your prayers, and am returning them. Hope your isolation breaks before long.
Dave
Gary:
I actually haven't traveled all that much in the past year: to Kansas City a couple of times, to North Carolina, to Oklahoma City, and to Orlando; a total of 24 days, I think. Trips to Phoenix this month and probably Rhode Island in May are on the docket.
I'll keep Lyme disease in mind. The thing is my lethargy and tiredness come and go. During this current weight loss campaign, I had two big weeks of loss. The first was 6 pounds, and another 5 pounds. Both of those big losses happened from eating right, avoiding snacks, and just letting the busyness of life happen around me, first my mother-in-law's moving sale then the ice storm and the chop-chop-chopping over four days. It was in the aftermath of those big weight loss weeks that the lethargy and tiredness were worst. On weeks when I exercize and cut back eating and lose only a pound or two, I don't have the problem.
Go figure.
Dave
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