Fear Rises

Well, yesterday evening I heard back from the agent who has been considering Doctor Luke's Assistant. As expected, he passed on it. I say "as expected" because I have learned the book is unpublishable for a first time novelist. It's way too long by industry standards--forgivable for someone who already has a fan base, but not for a first timer. And, it's Bible era fiction, which is a dead genre right now per the book buying public. So, I guess I chalk this up to writing practice, and move on. Hey, most authors don't get their first book published. Why should I be different?

Last night I finished the final edits on the proposal for my study guide for The Screwtape Letters. Based on the meeting I had with the publisher in May, I have high hopes for the success of this book. Today I wrote the cover letter, tweaked the proposal slightly based on something I had previously missed on the publisher's web site, copied the whole thing, went to the post office, and mailed it. I'm $1.68 poorer, plus mileage. I really had to make myself do those final steps, internally reminding, "The worst that can happen is they turn it down." But fear rose up again, as I've written about before:

Fear of Failure : This isn't a big deal. Rejection happens in the publishing business. You learn to live with it and get over it quickly or you go crazy.

Fear of Success : How would life change if this is successful? If they then want another one? If I have to go thither and yon to promote the book?

Fear of Error : This is the worst, I think. Who am I to claim to know enough to write a book on this Christian classic? I'm just a man who fell in love with it three decades ago, and who recently renewed that love affair, recently helped teach it to an adult life group, and found a lack of materials available to help teacher and student. But, what if I say something in the book that's really stupid? That the publisher doesn't catch, but that some theological sharp-shooters do? Oh, the scorn and derision I could direct on myself. Maybe it would be better to just not mail it and watch television every evening.

Fear of commitment did not enter into this. If the book is accepted, I will have to add to the four sample chapters written: a minimum of 28, and possibly as many as 30 additional chapters, probably in three months. That is a pace I believe I can do.

Let's see, I think someone said that irrational fear is anxiety. Why borrow worries from tomorrow's legitimate ones? Each day has enough worries of its own. First item of my July goals accomplished, within schedule.